An American Carol...of pure hell

I must have some really bad karma saved up for me, because my unfortunate task to review David Zucker's An American Carol was so unpleasant, I actually felt my brain melting in my skull. I must preface my review with the knowledge that multiple customers who have rented this fine feature film from the video store where I work have returned it out of pure disgust, demanding some sort of justice for their mistakes (aka refund). And then I found out I would have to watch it. I must really like you guys...

Within the first 5 minutes, I had a good sense of how the rest of this "film" would play out, as Zucker and co. show a group of hapless terrorists (all named Mohammed Hussein no less) as they make sordid attempts to suicide bomb everything in sight. They of course fail, and only manage to blow up their own leader's car after all their efforts to murder infidels. Ha. Ha. Ha. Hilarious...No other movie could better illustrate the distinctions between distasteful humor and actual humor as clearly as this one. I'm not too concerned with taste more often than not, but c'mon, even I know that these are bad jokes gone worse with no consciousness as to how delicate these situations are; jokes about terrorism and Nazi's and concentration camps and homosexuality can be funny (if even barely so), but the attempts to somehow antiquate and justify the humor here falls so flat, it's embarrassing. And how did Zucker get so many cameos? C'mon Kelsey Grammar? Dennis Hopper? Jon Voigt? Have some sense of dignity.

If anything else, this is an attack on Michael Moore and...well that's kind of it. It seems almost pointless though, as even Zucker and co. don't prove anything contrary Moore or anyone else's "anti-American" sentiment. The movie basically promotes America as a land of backyard barbeques and happy suburban families, and equates fighting in the Civil War and WWII as justification for our nation's actions in the Middle East. If A is B, and B is C, then A is C right? Oh, and country music is awesome, can't forget that. But the problem is that while there is obviously some attempt being made by Zucker to criticize those who would doubt/protest American policies, the movie is still a really poorly designed farce/comedy and so we can't really take anything they say to heart. This is nothing more than a movie that is saying everything that we (America) do is right, so there. It's basically a 9-year old who is trying to present some semblance of a real debate armed only with "Because" and "Nuh-uh".

This movie didn't even provoke me to combat it's message, it was just stupid. There wasn't any new information here, and instead of tackling one issue and really exploring it, the movie spewed garbage about every issue it could in an hour and half, white-washing over everything and putting it all under one category of being "wrong". I don't think Zucker will be fortunate enough to ever make a comedy again (if there is justice in the world) but this is clearly one comedy that is best left to rot. Forever and ever. Oh yeah, and if you need a real indicator as to how messed up this movie's message is, this is the only time I've ever seen Bill O'Reilly levelheaded and considerate and not screaming at the top of his lungs. That just doesn't happen in reality, because this movie is O'Reilly's wet dream.

GUMMO

When I first received word from Ben that a review of Gummo would be my contribution to the 2008 White Elephant Blogathon, I groaned. Far, distant memories of watching Gummo back in high school came back to me, suddenly transporting me to a time when shock value was what made a movie worthy of watching. "Man, you gotta see this movie, it's so f**ked up!" I had only bits and pieces in my mind about what Gummo was from those days, nothing concrete, just enough to put that pit in my stomach and bring back a lingering taste of unpleasantness. Nonetheless, here I was, challenged to face this film once more. I suppose I am thankful to be forced to watch this, because frankly, it wasn't anything like I remembered. Well it was...just...differently?

Harmony Korine (whom I admit I had thought was Chloe Sevigny for the longest time) leaves us for dead in a hum-drum town, devastated in the aftermath of a tornado. The film is a collage of backwater characters who patrol this town, biding their time with little left to amuse. There are the two boys who hunt stray cats for money, which of course provides glue for huffing. The nigh-twin sisters with bleached, white hair and dirty, stankin' mouths. The "rabbit" who patrols the town as a silent figure somehow interjecting himself into this dark, dire life at every turn. There are a handful of other aliens who both appall and bewilder. I say aliens, not in the extraterrestrial sense, but rather a breed of society I have little or no connection with, i.e. the redneck. Everyone here is completely bored out of their mind, with no real escape or ambition to rise to, all of them just passing time, getting through life (err herm...Bellingham anyone?).

Initially, I felt Korine was exploiting this culture, using the shock of such a downtrodden crew to force our minds into submission, dismissing them as crude and unpleasant all along the way. When subjected to watching skinhead brothers punching each other in the head for sport, children flea-bitten and without any parents in sight, teenage kids flinging racist comments left and right, your bound to have a rather negative opinion of these folk. I felt dirty, myself used as a part of this circus with the role of the witless onlooker of a bloody car wreck. After all, who kills stray cats for money? Who wrestles helpless chairs into submission? Who shaves their eyebrows off laughing all the while? The mind boggles.

By the end of the film, after being numbed to the harsh "reality" that I was being exposed to, I realized the true horror of the film, the key element that was making my stomach churn. Despite the absolute far-fetchedness of everything I just watched, it just might be true. The line between reality and fantasy is so blurred throughout; some scenes obviously being acted, others, I'm not so sure, that I was suddenly nervous and scared for the human race. The film does a great job of toying with this idea of "reality" and "what we would expect to be reality" with Korine managing to blend documentary with horror film seamlessly.

I was surprised to find myself not necessarily enjoying Gummo, but certainly engaged by it. It's certainly unsettling to say the least. I don't know if I will ever look at a chocolate bar or spaghetti the same way again, but I'm glad that this was my assignment. I do know one thing - I will probably never, ever, ever go to Ohio.

Thanks Gummo for ruining Ohio for me.